Staff Updates!

So we have good news my children. We have a new staff writer joining Team Tahoe. So as with DA Jackhammer and Randy Tucker, I have know this gentleman for many years and probably many more to come.

So I will not disclose his identity just yet.... but continue to check back as his debut will be very soon.

On another note, DA Jackhammer is a dumb ass. Yes I had to say it. Anyone who works hard everyday like he does for his hard earned cash, takes that hard earned cash even though it may not be legal on the street but.... I digress... so as I was saying.... any hard working individual that knowingly puts said money down to purchase tickets to go see "The Marine" needs a good stiff kick in the ass. Yes he is my brother and that is why I can be open and honest about it.

And to top it off, I do know that even though riding on that mechanical bull was for charity, always for a good cause my children, he really wouldn't want me to post the "special" pictures that were taken of him that time he did TIME for breaking some guys neck in the ring. Yeah we occassionally get banned from a county here and a county there but typically we can get out of it if Randy Tucker is with us because they usually suspect its him anyways. Not trying to say anything BUT.... well it happens.

No these pictures portray DA Jackhammer in a well how should I say it.... well uhm some individual was maybe uhm using a jackhammer on..... well nevermind.... probably shouldn't get into all that.

Alas.... love the guy... and occasionally he makes these wrong choices with movies and this is one of them... save yourself and steer clear away from this train wreck.

Tahoe OUT!

Ok kiddies gather around... it’s time for DA Jackhammer’s movie review… Today I am going to review a little movie called "THE MARINE", starring none other than WWE Superstar John Cena. And guess what little hammers??? His character's name is… JOHN… Take it John couldn’t take the time to remember his character’s name.

Anyhow, this being the second of many WWE films to come starring WWE Superstars, "See No Evil" being the first out the gate, I must say this was not to bad of a little action flick. The first great thing about the movie was that Cena really didn’t have too many speaking lines… I mean do you really want a guy who can't take a good bump in the ring to talk and who can completely ruin the movie? I think not… second good thing about movie was his female co-star, the sexy star of F/X’s Nip/Tuck, Kelly Carlson. Maaaan you can't get any hotter than Kelly, just wish there was more of her on the screen to look at. Then there are the special effects… I must admit it was nice to see a building blow up or a car get shot up to hell and there was either no or very little CGI… damn CGI can ruin a movie. You can see real flames coming out of the building or real holes penetrate when the cars get shot up. And finally one of the better aspects of the movie was the action scenes. And this is where Vincent Kennedy McMahon knew his Superstars would excel at, his band of misfits already "wrestle" or "perform" pretty much 340 days a year. He knew that their skills would translate well into film. The fight scenes, although very few…were great, nonetheless.

Now other than having Cena in the film, a person who can't wrestle himself out of a wet paper bag… there is one other thing that made Da Jackhammer almost get up, rip his seat out the ground and chuck it at the screen…The god damn background music through the first quarter of the movie…the music was as cheesy as early 80’s like porn music. It was driving me up the wall I was oh so close to walking out… the only thing that kept me from walking out was the super hot Kelly Carlson… did I mention she was hot??? She looked a little cold in some of the scenes if ya know whaaaaaat I mean…wink… wink… Yaaaaa know what I'm talking about!!! Maaaan, I almost added extra butter to the guy’s popcorn next to me.

At the end of the day boys and girls, I give "THE MARINE" two and a half bloody chair shots to the head…but if I were you, I would just wait for the DVD and just rent it… but please, oh please don’t buy it… and if you’re even thinking of wasting your money on something, just send me your fifteen bucks and I will send you a signed copy of a drunk Johnny Tahoe riding a mechanical bull in a school girl outfit…trust me, now that’s money well spent… I’M TALKING TO YOU BOYS IN LOCK UP….

And if you dont know..... JACKHAMMER OOOOOOUT!!!!

Stupid People Make Me Laugh... Sometimes...

So I was listening to "The Morning Zoo" earlier in the week here on Utah's own KZHT 97.1. Seems like it is the sister station to Southern Cal's KIIS FM. So anyways they had this chick Desiree on that happens to be on one of those Bachelor type shows that is currently in Rome or something like that. So because she's from Utah, they gotta have her on. Well they start discussing how she got on the show and all and the girl along with her entourage... why does she even have an entourage... I digress... so she continues on and says in the process of her getting chosen and such, the producers slip up and say that she could probably get lucky and google the guy that will be the bachelor. So she was going on about yeah I heard that... and I was like I'm gonna google that shit when I get home! And the radio crew was like OH NO! you can't say that on the air! The chick - oh my bad my bad... and they continue on. Classic radio my friends... so that was earlier in the week.

So I tune in again a day or two later and they have this dating coach on the air and they are taking calls from listeners. Well this guy gets on the phone and he is asking the coach about his relationship. He goes on about the fact that he is 23 or so and he is dating this chick that is 20 and he's got a 16 month old baby from another chick. And the girl he is dating is blowing him off anytime he's got the kid. So then the radio crew starts asking about the baby's momma... So they ask, how's your relationship with your baby's momma... His response... Fuck my baby's momma.... plain as day on the radio... The crew - ok ok... we see where that was going everybody... sorry about that one.

Now I tell ya... I don't much care for this station or any stations like it but those two moments right there were classic. Can you just imagine the radio station taking a crap in their pants once they reviewed those tapes!?! Hilarious... Those kind of problems wouldn't have been a problem had they been on satellite radio.... Sirius that is.

People are just plain stupid and ignorant.

Respectfully yours.... Mr. Tahoe!

What is Happening with the World?

So over the course of the last two weeks, we have had three seperate school shootings... Thank god I am no longer in school. Tha Randy One made his valiant return to working duty... Scary yes because he actually does work with the general public. Yep you probably wouldn't be able to pick him out of a lineup if your life depended on it. Not to say that he blends in but... well I probably shouldn't get into it. I guess it would take away from the thought and belief in your own head of what you find to be what the Randy One looks to be...

So your ol' Uncle Johnny made his way out of his palace of fear to come down and party down with you mutants this past Friday night. So I stepped into this place at maybe 10 or so and immediately needed to intoxicate myself with some sweet taste of draft Heineken in what I believed to be a 32 oz frosty mug. Now that is the only way to have a cold one if I may say so... The place was ok... many people that were there, probably shouldn't have been there as they did not bring their friend Jenny Craig for the ride if ya know what I mean. But overall it wasn't too bad. Either that or I am just getting old.... hmmm no that's not it. Yet most of the chicks were ok but ultimately no tens... Now there was this one chick in this silvery top that looked like she took a trip to Lita's closet and picked out something shiny. Boy did the puppies want to come out and play that night. Good times my children good times.

The Little Mermaid come out yesterday finally and I gotta say after taking in a special viewing in my state of the art home theatre room that they did one kick ass job on restoring it to greatness. I couldn't help to think though about the underlying story that we must all set aside when viewing this Disney Classic. Ariel is a mere 16.... Eric is maybe 25 or 26 at best.... This my children is what we call a pedophile. And he would have to register as a sex offender where ever this story took place. Ursula.... as much as I would not like to comment on her pure greatness as one of the best villians, I could only come up with the thought of an oversized Heidi Fleiss of the sea. I mean really.... she takes this young mermaid and basically has her sign a contract for goods so that she can serve her up to the 25 year old prince. Again... I may be overthinking this but hey.... I was bored so I started thinking about these things in detail. I still love the movie but I could only imagine if they decided to make a real movie out of this.

I was watching Fox the other night and I tuned into 'till Death. If this isn't the biggest knock off of Married With Children, I don't know what is. I mean yes get rid of the kids and you got Al and Peg and Steve and Marcy replaced by newer actors. Yet I am still fascinated by it. So I will continue to watch.



Now I am really digging this new show. And I am not one to really enjoy this crap like the Randy One would or even the Jackhammer but I just can't get enough of it. The two stars that are shining in this series.... My girl Ali -

Damn that girl is yummy and she is playing a KILLER role in this new series. The other star in this great show is my boy Hiro... well that is his character's name...



This guy is just great. Mind you, we
are only into two shows but I like the kid.


Haven't had the chance to go check out any recent movies lately but I am guessing there isn't too much to choose from since the #1 and #2 movies this week happen to include that no talent hack Ashton Moore Kutcher... need I say more?

Tahoe OUT!