Well I Guess It's About Time....

Looks like I need to take some time out of my super busy life and make word to my children around the world that follow the good word of your dear ol' Uncle Johnny!

So what has been keeping me busy? Life matters.... can't get into just yet but all in due time. So as I sit in my palace of a home, waiting for My Name Is Earl and The Office to kick start their season, I figured I would sign on and give you something to chew on....

Tom and damn it.... his gf... the chick that went out with the guy from American Pie.... christ I can't remember her name. Well who cares... anyways... their baby... Suri I think she's called. That is one cute kid there... and I gotta say that waiting four or so months before letting pictures get out was one of the greatest things they could have done. Let me explain. I can look at brand new baby pictures and think... hmmm... what's this baby gonna look like... You look at a baby pictures a few weeks or even months after and its like a totally different looking child. Why? Normalization to put it into simple terms. They aren't as swollen ya know? The body weight isn't jumping around and their true color is finally set. If you've had kids, you know what I mean. Either way... decent looking kid.

Well it looks like My Name Is Earl is on..... but I have one more thing to get outta my head before I go... remember this quote from The 40 Year Old Virgin? (Look at the shirt) So anyways... I was having some ice cream one warm evening a few weeks ago wearing this very shirt... So I happen to look over and I have this Emo lookin' bloke staring down my shirt like I am a piece of spotted dick on some fine china... So I thought to myself... self? Yes? Why is this emo lookin' freak looking at my super cool shirt... So I thought about this for a few short fleeting moments before thinking how much I just wanted to take the ice cream out of his hand and slap it in that greasy ass hair and remind him what makes him gay.

But your Uncle Johnny was better that that.... he walked away. Peacefully. If it were only that easy with every situation that arose where your ol' Uncle Johnny would get upset...

Such is life... taking it one day at a time... and no I don't mean that gay show with Bonnie Harris!

Tahoe Out!

You Have Gotta Be Kidding Me...

I tell ya.... can't get a break around these parts. Just for the record, I, Johnny "Who's Yer Daddy" Tahoe, has not been seen in the fine city of Rialto since July.

So much going on, so little time. So I will leave you with that thought my children. I will have a longer post up within a day.

Fear not.... your Uncle Johnny is not far from thought...

Oh... and Jack... with one straight hit to the jugular... I can have you out!

MIA!!!!!
HAS ANYBODY SEEN JOHNNY TAHOE???? LAST KNOW SIGHTING WAS AT RIALTO,CA ON SOME PERSONNEL BUSINESS... IF YOU KNOW WHERE WE MAY FIND JOHNNY PLEASE NOTIFY RANDY TUCKER OR MYSELF....DA JACKHAMMER!!!!

WTF?!?!?!?!

What's wrong with the world we live in? I know that there are many things wrong with the world we live in today...we have a war in the Middle East that doesn't go away, potential war with every other country that looks at us funny, hurricanes slamming into both sides of da USA worse then than a chick in one of Randy's Gang Bang movies and worse of all Pairs Hilton has a album out ( I never go the memo that Hell froze over, did you?). Now granted most of this stuff is out of our control as humans and the everyday Joe, but it's the little things that make Da Jackhammer stop and say WHAT THAAAAA FUCK????
Recently yours truly start to slim to down, well I thought it would be nice of Da Hammer to donate some of his lose fitting clothes to a local charity that happens to be one of the biggest in the country, but for the sake of the story we will call them The Unite GAY organization. Well as I drove up to the local Unite Gay donation center with a big bag of clothes a worker from the location ran out and started to wave me away. As I approached the guy in my car he starts to tell me that they are closing in ten minutes. So I told this window-licker that I was looking to donate clothes, and he replied that donations are only expected from 8:30am to 4:30 pm and continued to lock the parking lot with a chain. So I opted to keep my cool and drive off, instead of my normal reaction by stopping, pulling a chair out of my trunk (doesn't everyone carry a steel chair in their trunk for emergencies?) and start wailing on this fool.
As I drove away I started to say, WHAT THAAAA FUCK!!!! Here I am looking to donate to the less fortunate will some very stylish clothing cause as we ALL know under all that muscle Da Hammer has a big heart. I am, THE JACKHAMMER (doesn't he know who I am??) getting turned away cause I got there fifteen minutes pass their donation schedule time, since when does giving a rat ass about the less fortunate have a time frame? I took the time to fold, bag clothes and drive my local Unite GAY and I got turned away. One would think that they would have been more then happy to expect my bag but NOOOOO I get rejected faster then fat chicks gets turned away by Johnny Tahoe. I just don't get.
Ok, so that's that...now on another day prior to this event I was driving to a Tag Team Championship that Johnny T. and I were defending our belts, at the Staple Center in L.A.. Well in order for yours truly to get there in time to warm up I have to jump on the 105 that takes me through some the rough streets of South Central LA that little Jackhammer roamed in as a child. At one point I drive by the Projects that are off the 105. All of sudden I yelled out loud in my car, above my KISS ALIVE III CD playing....WHAT THAAAA FUCK?!?!?! And why was I all fired up, may you ask? There were Satellite Dishes bolted to most of the units in the projects facing the freeway. Now you may also ask, Jack what wrong that? While for those who live under a rock and are deaf, dumb and Ashley Simpson. The Projects are part of a Government program that provide housing for those who cant afford a home or to rent an apartment. So here's my point, how is it that these people who taxes payers like you and me pay for all or half their rent afford satellite or cable???? I mean don't get me wrong everyone needs access to Skinamax like the next person but if its coming out The Hammer's cookie jar then something needs to be said. Is it me on a roid rage or is there something wrong with that?
I really have no way to end this then saying WTF!?!?!?!
JACKHAMMER OOOOOOOUT!!!!!