Monday, August 21, 2006

I'AM BAAAAACK!!!!!!!

Well all you scumbags, DA Jackhammer is back on the block… aaah it's nice to be back in the old neighborhood, I see nothings changed while I was away… Big Johnny T is still in front of the mirror making sure his hair is juuuuust right, with the smell bacon on the frying pan looming from the kitchen… And I see you have met our brother in arms Randy “One Eyed” Tucker. I love ya Randy and thanks for stepping out of the shadows and filling in for DA JACK will I was healing over a leg injury that I sustained while rescuing the Hawaiian Tropic Bikini Team from an overturned tour bus in Bakersfield, CA… a bus that was engulfed by flames that I came across on my way back to LA from Las Vegas.

Lucky for the Jack, the women of Hawaiian Tropic were so grateful for my heroic act of running through the flames into the bus and carrying each one of the 22 members on board the bus that unfaithful day to safety, that they each took time from their busy tour to take turns to heal good old Jack back to health. Mind you, I am stuck suffering from my injuries…ummmm…injury, but after many conversations and much advice from Johnny T. he felt it would be best for not only for my spirits but all those followers, who live and die by the words of Team Tahoe that I make an early return to the neighborhood. So here I am.

So I am not going to try to play catch up… Yes Clerks 2 is funny as hell, Yes, Family Jewels is the best damn show on TV since the Howard Stern Show and Yes, I still pack a 12 and half inch rod in my pants… the half inch is for luck… we all know this… So on the night of my return I would like to talk quickly about this past Sunday’s PPV WWE’s SummerSlam.

Much to MY surprise SummerSlam was not the party of the summer it was planned out to be. It was a bit on the boring side… think I even fall asleep at one point, that’s of course until Brother Randy hopped on the computer and showed Jack some interesting pictures of Miss Mickie James pre WWE… and if you can find them, they’re actually not bad. Well back to SummerSlam... although I felt that the PPV fell a little flat, the match of the night would have to go the Flair vs. Foley match. Not only was it a good match but one of the bloodiest in recent time… it’s always good to see Foley pull out his bag of thumbtacks… and of course how can we have a PPV without Flair’s forehead cut open turning his blonde hair into a bloody soaked set of hair. Beau-ti-ful… And not only did we see Foley cut to the point of requiring 25 stitches but we saw Flair take his game to a whole new level of violence…the man threatened to kill two people on live T.V… Yes folks for a man as old enough to have witnessed Moses part the Red Sea, he can still whip out the “Bitch be good!!” stick and give one hell of a show…

JACKHAMMER OUUUUUUT!!!!

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